Yaweh, Yaweh.

I want to start my post of by saying thank you... Thank you for giving me another day to live, another day to grow closer to you. Thank you for allowing me to follow my dreams. Thank you for giving me a healthy family. Thank you for giving me the craziest and most loving friends ever ;) Thank you for giving me two jobs that I truly enjoy. Thank you for your joy. Thank you for allowing me to build from my past. Thank you for your mercy. Thank you for accepting me at my weakest points. Thank you for showing me your path. Thank you for NEVER letting me down. Thank you for everything God.

Throughout this week, I have had many highs and lows. Let's start with school of course. Taking 9 classes is something that still blows my mind. Sometimes I wonder how I do it but then I am reminded that I do not do it, alone. To be quite honest, I do not know how I would do this without God. Let me rephrase this, I do not know how I would have JOY doing this without God.  Daily I am faced with soo much but yet I can hold a smile. I genuinely love what I am doing because I have a vision that is awaiting me at the end of all this (missions). I was able to finish testing this week that allowed me to see patients for the first time who are not my classmates! This was a very exciting moment because I was able to start applying everything I've learned these past 6 months into patient care. From here on out, I will see patients three times a week! So please keep me in your prayers :)

On a good note, I was able to survive yet another week of school!! I try to allow myself to have some me-time outside of school. I decided that I sacrifice sleep in order to have a good time, haha. This weekend I was able to spend time with so many of my loved ones. I need to get away sometimes (mentally) and this consists of being around those who are truly there for me. Thank you so much to everyone who made this weekend worth while. I love you Meagan even though you beat me at air hockey, Jurassic park and basketball. There is something I need to share because it just cracks me up. So for all of you who know Meagan, she is one of the sweetest, kind-hearted people that you will ever meet and she ADORES animals, no matter what type (and I mean ADORES). She had never played Jurassic Park before so we started to play. Here we are in this jeep roaming the safari and this huge dinosaur appears, he is attacking us and it is our mission to shoot him.  All you hear is me yelling, "MEAGAN!! Shoot the dinosaur!!!!!" and Meagan replying, "NOOOOOO, I don't want to shoot him." Hahahaa, little things like that make me enjoy my friends all the stinkin time. 

I also got to spend time with Danette and Mike who just got their first house, congrats!! Who would have ever thought that kicking a bunch of kids out of the jumper would be so difficult lol.  And finishing off that night I was able to see my Auntie and Cousin. We talked about life and relationships. I love being able to get advice from godly women who want the best for me. It truly was great being able to share with them what God is doing in my life.  I also got to see my baby girl who just brightens my life :) and my best friend Carol! I am going to miss them sooo much :'( Then tonight I got to study and pig out with the one and only Feli Fel. Oh what in the world would I do without her. I could honestly write a 3,000+ word blog about how much she means to me. I love you Feli <3 I love ALL of my friends. I am also thankful for Eric and my Mom who continue to support me through this season in my life. I would literally be a mess without them and their guidance!!

Finishing of my post I would like to share a little about what I experienced at church today. For the majority of you who know me, you know that I am usually very happy and positive. I hate to complain even though of course it happens. But lately things have been different. This joy has begun to fade and I found my self in this state of feeling "okay." I am not one to settle for that!! I have been struggling to see why this is, why is it do I feel this way even though I am close to God? I feel somewhat alone. It is hard to match words to my all of my feelings but this is the best way to explain it. Nonetheless, I felt unhappy.  I was confused and wondering what should I do? Well today our sermon was on spiritual warfare. Something that I see the church stray away from because they do not want to "scare" people. Well, wake up call!! It is very real. The devil is out to steal, kill and destroy. Look around, he is doing it. He is breaking apart marriage, relationships, the school system and the list goes one. People are dying inside and becoming depressed, looking for love in all the wrong places. Well it was real to me that I was being oppressed in this spiritual realm around me.  I was not letting go of everything that has torn me apart in the past. I was not surrendering all that I have to God so that he could mend the pieces back together. It hit me and I was just in awe. In awe of his glory. Yaweh, yaweh.. you're love never fails oh God!!! I was being deceived that things were fine and dandy when in reality I was living with my broken past just tucked away deep down so that I did not have to remind myself of the pain.

Well let me tell you people, God delivered me from this. He is AMAZING!! Beyond amazing actually, no word can even describe Him.  I was able to embrace this state of joy; true and pure joy. I just cannot even understand his love and mercy. Why is it that God wants someone so unworthy like me to be in relationship with him?!! Because he is a forgiving Father who will be there even when His children mess up.  Regardless of everything, he is awaiting with arms WIDE open. He wants to walk with me throughout every season of life and guide me, just as a loving Father should. He desires to spend eternity with me,  his child. Thank you God. 

Life is not easy, but oh how it is AMAZING :)

Well it has been a while since I blogged and I would like to share some awesome things that have happened these past few weeks :)

Another semester of DH school has been ACCOMPLISHED! 6 weeks ago I found myself shaking as I went to place a needle in my classmates mouth to give them an injection. On Thursday, I gave 12 injections with minimal instruction and passed with a 100% on all of them. I also cleaned my first patient's teeth!! Now it is time to prepare for seeing actual patients in about 3 weeks.

Sometimes I stop and think about where I am at right now in life.  I have come a very long way to reach my goals. I remember being in high school shadowing my cousin and thinking, "I would definitely love to do this one day." Well, here I am!! It has not been an easy path and to be quite honest, it is only getting harder. But, there is hope :)

Being in a program is a lot different than any other type of schooling. It literally becomes your life and your classmates become your best friends. You find yourself laughing and even crying with one another because you are all in the same boat (on top of our cheesy DH jokes that nobody ever gets lol). This profession is definitely no joke!

On top of my schooling, I have also seen a change in myself. I no longer fear about what is to come in the future.  A few weeks ago I went to my best friend's job and began to talk with her co-worker who is an artist and paints on Toms. She showed me some of her work and I fell in love with it. So, I began to think of a design that I would like for her to paint for me. **I know this blog seems like it is jumping from place to place but just stick with me.

I went home that night and thought about what I would love to have designed on my shoes and here it is....

The verses I wanted to be depicted were Matthew 6:25-34 and Revelations 22:1-3.

In Matthew 6:25-34 it says: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

   ²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

I absolutely love this verse. With the hectic life that I live it is EXTREMELY easy to find myself getting caught up in this state of anxiety.  I constantly have to remind myself that if I do my part, God will help me with the rest.  I know that school is what I have worked hard for these past years but even now that I am where I want to be, I still worry. I worry about my family, friends, whether or not I can continue to work at the places I love, whether or not I am doing my part in school, etc. but God CONSTANTLY reminds me that he has gotten me this far and that he is going to continue to guide me through these times.  I know that God is working tremendously through this season in my life.  He has continued to show me his gracious love that I do not deserve. Oh what an absolute mess I would be without him.  So every time I have a slight feeling of worry, I am reminded of the promises that God has given us.  He shows us in Matthew that he ALWAYS provides even for the little birdies and flowers (I wanted this image depicted on my Toms). I mean come on now, what makes me think he will not provide for me?? Instead of worrying, I need to focus on the path that God is continually laying down before me.

In Revelation 22: 1-3 it says: "Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb ² down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. ³ No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him"I love the truth that lies behind this passage. God promises us the tree (eternal salvation) and water of life (His love) to possess for eternity. The things of this world are only temporary and one day I look forward to spending the rest of my life with my Heavenly Father who has never let me down.  I know that I long to live on this earth impacting those who are striving for something more, for those who want to fill this void that they have in their life so that they can feel genuinely happy. I want to be God's light and through my schooling, workplace, and friendships, I know that this can be done!! So with this verse as a reminder for what is to come, I wanted it to also be illustrated on my shoes. 

Here is the final product...

... it was love at first sight!! Thank you so much Linna for doing these for me :) God has definitely blessed you tremendously with your artistic abilities and I know for a fact that you have an awesome future awaiting you.

I would just like to say to anyone who is reading this that if you ever feel like you are alone and nobody knows what you are going through, God is there.  At any moment he is waiting for you to reach out to Him and ask for help.  I have been at that place before where I felt so confused and anxious about what I am to do in life. But through all my perseverance, he as showed me that he has nothing but a prosperous future awaiting me.

To all of my lovely family and friends, I would like to say that I appreciate your support and prayers. I am constantly being attacked by the devil but it is okay because I have God on my side and I WILL come out victorious. Keep me in your prayers as I attempt and overcome another LONG semester in DH school. Love you guys :)